Wicked Smart

While wandering around iTunes the other day I ended up in the celebrity playlists section, a personal favorite of mine, mainly because it gives you the opportunity to listen to some new bands while also getting a refesher of some classics that may not necessarily have made it onto your iPod. So I realized that a lot of celebrities have very bad taste in music. It isn't fair that they get to share their craptastic taste with the world so I decided to write my own playlist. Less craptastic than some, but I'm sure to some people it would be more craptastic. So here it is *I shot for 25 but missed and am not apologizing* 1. Boom Boom Ba- Metisse (this song is so brilliant, I get it stuck in my head all the freakin time) 2. The Rice- David Gray (its great advice, just let the rice burn...) 3. Brighter Than Sunshine-Aqualung (I couldn't get this song out of my head after watching A lot like Love, the best thing about that movie) 4. We Used to Vacation- Cold War Kids (the lyric

I love it when people put up signs advertising their "G Sale". So what? Homies, pimps and mac daddies are still full price? But nothing beats an aisle with about 8 shopping carts FILLED with wine labeled Disco Items. Ah yes, if you are going to the disco, don't forget the merlot. It dulls the sheer pain of disco music. I love the nightlife, I like to boogie on the disco rooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuund...

So this is how my morning has gone so far: Amanda: Did you hear they found Bigfoot? Me: No. (crosses arms and raises eyebrows) Where did they find him? In the trunk along with Jesus on the way back from Mexico? Amanda: Ha. Ha. No, it's for real, it's all over the news. Me: Oh the Weekly World News? Right alongside a story about Batboy? Amanda: No! Look for yourself, it's all over. (Pulls up Google and looks at CNN. Nothing. MSNBC. Nothing. MSN Homepage. Nothing.) Well fine, I'll send you the link. http://news.cnet.com/8301-13577_3-10017102-36.html This started the IM portion of the conversation as I read this "article": Jamie sounds like a crazy advertising scheme amandafaith02 NO its real they have DNA Jamie for like a new mall or nascar stadium amandafaith02 and a BODY Jamie that noone can see amandafaith02 and PHOTOS Jamie i will believe it when i see it amandafaith02 until tomorrow because they want to hold a press conferenc

Picture it: Bellevue, Friday, 8:15am. I'm driving my cute, little car to work, excited as ever to go and do some editing when I get stuck behind a rather disgusting truck, filled to the brim with yard supplies and covered in piles of mud. I don't actually know that you can have PILES of mud vs. one giant mud spot but whatever, for the sake of my story it's piles. The truck in question? Doing 20 MPH in a 35 zone. Bastards. The least the land owners could have done while picking up their Mexicans at Lowe's is teach them how to read a speed limit sign. After 10 minutes of driving on what should have been a 3 minute drive (there might be the teeniest possibility I drive slightly over the speed limit but whatever, this story isn't about me!) I finally turn and manage to get away from him, hooray! Only to moments later find myself smack behind a shredding company truck going a mere 30 MPH (which is still not 35 but it's an improvement...not a vast improvement

Things I cannot do thanks to my incredible painful sunburn (evil sun): sit lay down bend over take a shower wash my hair put on bra wear bra take off bra put on clothes wear clothes take off clothes lift arms fold arms carry anything hold my purse reach out drive steer turn radio on turn radio off have fan blow on me have anything touch me sleep cut vegetables open jars shake ketchup bottle walk around Target apply aloe vera without stamping foot and saying "ow" brush hair put hair up wear makeup go out in the sun blow my nose brush my teeth visit the statue of liberty

1. This is not McDonalds, we do not have nuggets so DO NOT leave them in the toilet. Just cause they float doesn't make them a yacht. We are women for Christ's sake, we don't do stuff like that. Turn around and take a gander, if there's poo flush it. It's that metal lever over to the side. I do not want to see that you had corn last night for dinner, that's your business, not mine. Yuck. 2. DO NOT TURN OFF THE LIGHT! Holy crap what is wrong with you fools???? The light is attached to the fan, there are no windows, no ventilation of any kind, even the hall is enclosed on either side by giant oak doors! Make a smell, it becomes stagnant. Stagnant smells make me vomity, only I can't vomit in a public toilet where there are floaties! This is not a matter of sustainability, this is a matter of aulfactory preservation. 3. No pubic shavings at work. Ever. See October 10, 2007 Blog "Today was a Pube-Free Day". 4. There is no reason for the seat t

Sometimes I will sit there and think it is so weird that Autumn has never had a Whopper, Big Mac, Chicken Nuggets, or Fish Sandwich. I kind of feel bad for her. Then I get over it and continue with my day.

I would just like to give an open thanks to the girl who threw up on me last night in Neumos, causing me to vomit several times in response. That was sweet. My shoe had a new squishy quality to it and the smell was truely, truely, truely outrageous. Nothing like having to live in vomit, with the poor bartender scuttling us to the bench by the door from the very beginning of the concert. I can honestly say that was a new experience. I would also like to say that I will hunt you down like a dog if I catch diptherea or get any sort of fungus from your stranger puke. I'm assuming the loads of alcohol you consumed prior to the upchucking killed off any bacteria you may have gotten from whichever guy you picked up this week but if not, prepare for the wrath!

I am actually in a good mood, however I felt it was time to let everyone know the things that irritate me. These are the things I say I hate, even though mostly I'm just mildly annoyed, but hate is a much funnier word than annoyed. I'm sure there will be many modifications to this list as life goes on (by the way, I hate that Kelli girl from Life Goes On but can't hate the show as it had the Beatles as it's theme song and showcased a "neurologically diverse" individual, making it the longest PSA known to man, and you can't hate a show with the beatles playing for a good cause.) #1: Bicyclists. Hate them, hate them, hate them. This, however, is not a case of mild annoyance, this is actual want-to-hit them-with-my-car, knocking-them-off-their-bike-and-then-go-and-steal-their-pants-then-continously-flick-them-in-the-eye-with-their-spandex-spankies-hate. They do not follow the rules of the road and yet insist upon driving on MY road, street, avenue, boulevard,

Start at the beginning, go to the end, then stop. This is how life flows, however my life has flown into a very crazy and slightly frightening turn. Why? you may ask. Well I will tell you why, as I am nice and wouldn't just leave you hanging. I am being stalked by Huey Lewis and the News. I'm not kidding. About two weeks ago my ipod, Kung Pao Chang (so named because I adopted him from China where he was "assembled" by tiny kids over 17 hours in an Apple orphanage, and Kung Pao Chicken is my favorite Chinese food) decided to play the entire Huey Lewis and the News (hereafter referred to as HLN) Greatest Hits Cd over the course of an afternoon and random intervals. Then I went home and flipped on the telly only to have HLN come blaring out at me from some show. Some driving in the car, listening to the radio as I cowered from Kung Pao in fear of HLN, only to have not one but TWO (2) HLN songs play on different stations!!!!! This has gone on over the last two weeks. I li

Sent at 2:00 PM on Friday spammy.anna: is it 5 yet? cause that would make me happy Jamie: no, 3 more hours spammy.anna: dammit janey janet not janey i don't even know who janey is Jamie: maybe if you weren't such a snob you would know her spammy.anna: me a snob i think this is an instance of the pot calling the kettle black Jamie: i disagree i'm not a snob if my judgements are correct and funny spammy.anna: i'm not sure that is true Jamie: do i want to drive all the way to lynnwood tomorrow? spammy.anna: what's in it for you? Jamie: i get to pay a ton of money for a movie spammy.anna: then no Jamie: but am i mean if i make cheryl drive to bellevue to see a movie? spammy.anna: snobnouna person regarded as arrogant and annoying Jamie: i am not annoying! spammy.anna: see, it has nothing to do with whether or not you are funny Jamie: yes but i'm not annoying so therefore i cant' possibly be a snob spammy.anna: is condescending or overbearing to others. no, i do

So this isn't my story but it was so freakin funny I had to share. It made me laugh so hard I had to share Ryan's brilliance with everyone. P.S. he's not retarded, he's Australian... An aside note before we get right into the story: why are the words "negligence" and "negligee" so similar? One is a very sexy concept, and the other is not. Are they built off another word that they are both kind of related to? All these questions and more can possibly be answered by either the shorter , the longer , or perhaps even the much fucking longer Oxford English Dictionary. Man, I wish I had $3000 and a bookshelf. Luckily, five pounds and an arse pocket will suffice. Here's what the Collins Gem pocket-size Scrabble Dictionary had to say: NEGLIGEE: woman's lightweight, usu. lace-trimmed dressing gown. Hang on a second. Negligence is not in the Collins Gem pocket-size Scrabble Dictionary. That's surprising. I would be very surprised if I