Things I Hate:Part One (1)
I am actually in a good mood, however I felt it was time to let everyone know the things that irritate me. These are the things I say I hate, even though mostly I'm just mildly annoyed, but hate is a much funnier word than annoyed. I'm sure there will be many modifications to this list as life goes on (by the way, I hate that Kelli girl from Life Goes On but can't hate the show as it had the Beatles as it's theme song and showcased a "neurologically diverse" individual, making it the longest PSA known to man, and you can't hate a show with the beatles playing for a good cause.)
#1: Bicyclists. Hate them, hate them, hate them. This, however, is not a case of mild annoyance, this is actual want-to-hit them-with-my-car, knocking-them-off-their-bike-and-then-go-and-steal-their-pants-then-continously-flick-them-in-the-eye-with-their-spandex-spankies-hate. They do not follow the rules of the road and yet insist upon driving on MY road, street, avenue, boulevard, freeway, expressway, etc. Okay the don't really drive on the freeway but it would be friggin awesome if they did! I bet the impact of spandex hitting an eyeball after being struck by a responsible motorist at 60 MPH would be SWEEEEEEET!!!!!
#2: Vanity plates that are lame, idiotic or make no sense. Case in point: A purple sports car (yep, I said purple. And not good purple, like grandma's prune-inindated poop purple.) that is usually on the drive to work about the same time as me. License plate? TIGRESS. Really lady? You think your 50 year old self can pull of 1: a sports car 2: a pruple sports car 3: a purple sports car that's license plate says tigress. TIGRESS?????? Really? Something tells me the AARP-carrying wallet that you call a husband got some viagra a week before he bought you that car. Second case in point: This retarded pseudo-sports car that was driving in front of me this morning. Florida license plate: 1MTHI3....um.....*everyone cock their heads to the side like a cockerspaniel*...that spells NOTHING. I'm assuming you were going for "I am thirty", however, being the dipshit that you are didn't realize 1=one and not I and that 3=three not T. So your license plate phoenetically spells out 1 am thithree which is not a word. Not even a funny fake word. Also, as you are a dumbass I'm sure you didn't bother to realize that you have a license plate for 7 years (that's 49 years to your giant ass dog taking up the entire back seat), and you will no longer be 30. Actually you will have been 30 for only 1/7 (14%) of the time you have to live with your stupid license plate. Brilliant move, hooser.
#3: People who put toilet paper/paper towels on backwards. It's wrong. Stop it. I will be forced to hate you forever if you don't, and you don't want that wrath if you know what's good for you. You heard what I can do with spandex? Imagine a paper towel roll coming at you at 60 MPH, sans the comfy two-ply paper.
That's it for today. I have loads more in my annoyance arsenal, I just actually have to go do work. Stupid work.
#1: Bicyclists. Hate them, hate them, hate them. This, however, is not a case of mild annoyance, this is actual want-to-hit them-with-my-car, knocking-them-off-their-bike-and-then-go-and-steal-their-pants-then-continously-flick-them-in-the-eye-with-their-spandex-spankies-hate. They do not follow the rules of the road and yet insist upon driving on MY road, street, avenue, boulevard, freeway, expressway, etc. Okay the don't really drive on the freeway but it would be friggin awesome if they did! I bet the impact of spandex hitting an eyeball after being struck by a responsible motorist at 60 MPH would be SWEEEEEEET!!!!!
#2: Vanity plates that are lame, idiotic or make no sense. Case in point: A purple sports car (yep, I said purple. And not good purple, like grandma's prune-inindated poop purple.) that is usually on the drive to work about the same time as me. License plate? TIGRESS. Really lady? You think your 50 year old self can pull of 1: a sports car 2: a pruple sports car 3: a purple sports car that's license plate says tigress. TIGRESS?????? Really? Something tells me the AARP-carrying wallet that you call a husband got some viagra a week before he bought you that car. Second case in point: This retarded pseudo-sports car that was driving in front of me this morning. Florida license plate: 1MTHI3....um.....*everyone cock their heads to the side like a cockerspaniel*...that spells NOTHING. I'm assuming you were going for "I am thirty", however, being the dipshit that you are didn't realize 1=one and not I and that 3=three not T. So your license plate phoenetically spells out 1 am thithree which is not a word. Not even a funny fake word. Also, as you are a dumbass I'm sure you didn't bother to realize that you have a license plate for 7 years (that's 49 years to your giant ass dog taking up the entire back seat), and you will no longer be 30. Actually you will have been 30 for only 1/7 (14%) of the time you have to live with your stupid license plate. Brilliant move, hooser.
#3: People who put toilet paper/paper towels on backwards. It's wrong. Stop it. I will be forced to hate you forever if you don't, and you don't want that wrath if you know what's good for you. You heard what I can do with spandex? Imagine a paper towel roll coming at you at 60 MPH, sans the comfy two-ply paper.
That's it for today. I have loads more in my annoyance arsenal, I just actually have to go do work. Stupid work.
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