Commies, Prostitution and Stalkers
Start at the beginning, go to the end, then stop. This is how life flows, however my life has flown into a very crazy and slightly frightening turn. Why? you may ask. Well I will tell you why, as I am nice and wouldn't just leave you hanging.
I am being stalked by Huey Lewis and the News.
I'm not kidding.
About two weeks ago my ipod, Kung Pao Chang (so named because I adopted him from China where he was "assembled" by tiny kids over 17 hours in an Apple orphanage, and Kung Pao Chicken is my favorite Chinese food) decided to play the entire Huey Lewis and the News (hereafter referred to as HLN) Greatest Hits Cd over the course of an afternoon and random intervals. Then I went home and flipped on the telly only to have HLN come blaring out at me from some show. Some driving in the car, listening to the radio as I cowered from Kung Pao in fear of HLN, only to have not one but TWO (2) HLN songs play on different stations!!!!!
This has gone on over the last two weeks. I listen to the radio, HLN. I listen to the Chinese Ipod, HLN. I turn on my beloved Simpsons only to have them sing I Want a New Drug as Grampa Simpson, Homer, Ned Flanders and Apu smuggle drugs from Canada. Why????? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy????
So to all my dear friends, if suddenly I don't show up for work one day or you can't reach me on IM, check your local paper to see if HLN was playing a concert in Seattle. (actually the concert would probably be at the Emerald Queen Casino as they are too obsessed with stalking poor innocent girls to make new music). If so, please call the authorities and then prepare yourself for an interview on Dateline: Death of a poor innocent girl ruthless stalked by HLN.
Assuming I am not killed by stalker Huey Lewis and the News between now and April 16th, I will be on my way to visit my favorite German friend Carolin in her tiny village of Michendorf Stucken Germany. It should be a lot of fun, I'm super excited to see her again. We havent' seen each other since last September when her family came and took her back home with them, even though I was very convincing as to why she should stay and become an American. But her family is sweet and funny and letting me stay with them so I am not complaining.
While there I will be visiting Prague, Czech Republic and Budapest, Hungary. I'm so excited for those side trips! I will also be driving to Munich on ze Autobahn. Eeek! So even if I survive the HLN stalking I will probably either be killed or worse...stuck in Eastern Europe. Here are the 3 options i forsee happening on my European adventure...
#1: Die in flaming car crash on the autobahn as I don't usually drive over 100 MPH
#2: Have rental car stolen while in Prague. Forced to become prostitute to pay for a new one. Luckily it is Eastern Europe so cars only cost $3.50. $4.50 if you want cruise control. Bad news though. Going rate for prositute in Prague is 11 cents.
#3: Raped and pillaged in Budapest by angry former commies for taking one of their future commies out of China (kung pao) where they could have bred him to be the next dictator.
Uh oh. I'm in trouble. Wish me luck!
I am being stalked by Huey Lewis and the News.
I'm not kidding.
About two weeks ago my ipod, Kung Pao Chang (so named because I adopted him from China where he was "assembled" by tiny kids over 17 hours in an Apple orphanage, and Kung Pao Chicken is my favorite Chinese food) decided to play the entire Huey Lewis and the News (hereafter referred to as HLN) Greatest Hits Cd over the course of an afternoon and random intervals. Then I went home and flipped on the telly only to have HLN come blaring out at me from some show. Some driving in the car, listening to the radio as I cowered from Kung Pao in fear of HLN, only to have not one but TWO (2) HLN songs play on different stations!!!!!
This has gone on over the last two weeks. I listen to the radio, HLN. I listen to the Chinese Ipod, HLN. I turn on my beloved Simpsons only to have them sing I Want a New Drug as Grampa Simpson, Homer, Ned Flanders and Apu smuggle drugs from Canada. Why????? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy????
So to all my dear friends, if suddenly I don't show up for work one day or you can't reach me on IM, check your local paper to see if HLN was playing a concert in Seattle. (actually the concert would probably be at the Emerald Queen Casino as they are too obsessed with stalking poor innocent girls to make new music). If so, please call the authorities and then prepare yourself for an interview on Dateline: Death of a poor innocent girl ruthless stalked by HLN.
Assuming I am not killed by stalker Huey Lewis and the News between now and April 16th, I will be on my way to visit my favorite German friend Carolin in her tiny village of Michendorf Stucken Germany. It should be a lot of fun, I'm super excited to see her again. We havent' seen each other since last September when her family came and took her back home with them, even though I was very convincing as to why she should stay and become an American. But her family is sweet and funny and letting me stay with them so I am not complaining.
While there I will be visiting Prague, Czech Republic and Budapest, Hungary. I'm so excited for those side trips! I will also be driving to Munich on ze Autobahn. Eeek! So even if I survive the HLN stalking I will probably either be killed or worse...stuck in Eastern Europe. Here are the 3 options i forsee happening on my European adventure...
#1: Die in flaming car crash on the autobahn as I don't usually drive over 100 MPH
#2: Have rental car stolen while in Prague. Forced to become prostitute to pay for a new one. Luckily it is Eastern Europe so cars only cost $3.50. $4.50 if you want cruise control. Bad news though. Going rate for prositute in Prague is 11 cents.
#3: Raped and pillaged in Budapest by angry former commies for taking one of their future commies out of China (kung pao) where they could have bred him to be the next dictator.
Uh oh. I'm in trouble. Wish me luck!
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