Rock Lobster

Things I cannot do thanks to my incredible painful sunburn (evil sun):

sit
lay down
bend over
take a shower
wash my hair
put on bra
wear bra
take off bra
put on clothes
wear clothes
take off clothes
lift arms
fold arms
carry anything
hold my purse
reach out
drive
steer
turn radio on
turn radio off
have fan blow on me
have anything touch me
sleep
cut vegetables
open jars
shake ketchup bottle
walk around Target
apply aloe vera without stamping foot and saying "ow"
brush hair
put hair up
wear makeup
go out in the sun
blow my nose
brush my teeth
visit the statue of liberty

Comments

Anonymous said…
Ever heard of a little thing called sunblock??? ;) Try using some next time you decide to lay nude outside during summer.
July 15, 2008 at 2:23 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pass the Metamuscil

Okay, so I admit, I've been slacking on blogging. But in my defense, Jamieland has been quite boring, what with the snow, no hippie roommate or excess money floating around to buy entertainment. Oooh, that totally sounded like I buy hookers, which I do not. Buy PC entertainment. That won't give me an STD. Or a baby. Anyways...so since the last blog I have had a birthday. I am now 27. Which doesn't sound too bad to most people, but if you ask a 27 year old how that sounds, it sounds less like "twenty-seven" and more like "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!". A few weeks before my birthday I made the mistake of watching a 1970s science fiction film called "Logan's Run". It was actually entertaining. A bit campy but the majority of films in the 70s had cheese oozing out of every pore, in my opinion. The plot of the movie was simple, and mimicked the book closesly. It takes place in a future time when Earth is so overpopulated that new regulations
Read more

Scrabble, Google and Aussies

So this isn't my story but it was so freakin funny I had to share. It made me laugh so hard I had to share Ryan's brilliance with everyone. P.S. he's not retarded, he's Australian... An aside note before we get right into the story: why are the words "negligence" and "negligee" so similar? One is a very sexy concept, and the other is not. Are they built off another word that they are both kind of related to? All these questions and more can possibly be answered by either the shorter , the longer , or perhaps even the much fucking longer Oxford English Dictionary. Man, I wish I had $3000 and a bookshelf. Luckily, five pounds and an arse pocket will suffice. Here's what the Collins Gem pocket-size Scrabble Dictionary had to say: NEGLIGEE: woman's lightweight, usu. lace-trimmed dressing gown. Hang on a second. Negligence is not in the Collins Gem pocket-size Scrabble Dictionary. That's surprising. I would be very surprised if I
Read more

Scary Stuff

Image
I quite possibly just had a heart attack. After several weeks of slowly going through each box/bin/drawer/closet/cabinet in my house to declutterize, I am finally finished. I have a pile of boxes with items to take down to my parents house for their garage sale in the living room, along with some boxes I had emptied so broke them down and put them in the storage closet on my deck. A few even had bubble wrap in them, hooray! Like all Americans, I adore bubble wrap so it has really taken every ounce of will in my body to not sit there and pop it all. Today, I was putting the last of the "keep" bins back in the storage closet. I had to readjust my weight to push the tub up onto the shelf when suddenly there was a loud *Bang*, obviously the sound of a car backfiring. Even though I live in a pretty affluent area, that sound is very similar to a gunshot, so the natural instinct is to dive for cover. That, however, is not really an option when you are essentially holding a 20
Read more