Rules for Using the Women's Restroom
1. This is not McDonalds, we do not have nuggets so DO NOT leave them in the toilet. Just cause they float doesn't make them a yacht. We are women for Christ's sake, we don't do stuff like that. Turn around and take a gander, if there's poo flush it. It's that metal lever over to the side. I do not want to see that you had corn last night for dinner, that's your business, not mine. Yuck.
2. DO NOT TURN OFF THE LIGHT! Holy crap what is wrong with you fools???? The light is attached to the fan, there are no windows, no ventilation of any kind, even the hall is enclosed on either side by giant oak doors! Make a smell, it becomes stagnant. Stagnant smells make me vomity, only I can't vomit in a public toilet where there are floaties! This is not a matter of sustainability, this is a matter of aulfactory preservation.
3. No pubic shavings at work. Ever. See October 10, 2007 Blog "Today was a Pube-Free Day".
4. There is no reason for the seat to be up. This is the women's restroom. If you are a man using the woman's restroom seek the help of a professional for your gender identity issues. If you still feel posessed to use our bathroom, let us know ahead of time so we can wear proper shoes to kick the seat down. Thank you.
5. In case you didn't know Lysol does not make the smell of shit go away. It just makes the bathroom smell like Lysol-flavored shit. It is the anthesis of masking the smell, it just says "hey everyone come here and guess what else I had for dinner last night besides corn!"
6. Hygene products. Oooh, hygene products. What to say, what to say? Oh I know. Ewww! I know we are all women (except for the aforementioned gender confused boys) and that every month we have a friend visiting from out of town. (I like to think they come from Detroit, cause lets face it, Detroit sucks.) However, I have my own tampons, I do not need yours. There is this nifty little white box right next to the toilet, you don't even have to get up! Wrap and sack. WRAP AND SACK!!!! The floatie rule applies here too. Also, toilet seats are white, try to keep them that way, if you know what I mean....
2. DO NOT TURN OFF THE LIGHT! Holy crap what is wrong with you fools???? The light is attached to the fan, there are no windows, no ventilation of any kind, even the hall is enclosed on either side by giant oak doors! Make a smell, it becomes stagnant. Stagnant smells make me vomity, only I can't vomit in a public toilet where there are floaties! This is not a matter of sustainability, this is a matter of aulfactory preservation.
3. No pubic shavings at work. Ever. See October 10, 2007 Blog "Today was a Pube-Free Day".
4. There is no reason for the seat to be up. This is the women's restroom. If you are a man using the woman's restroom seek the help of a professional for your gender identity issues. If you still feel posessed to use our bathroom, let us know ahead of time so we can wear proper shoes to kick the seat down. Thank you.
5. In case you didn't know Lysol does not make the smell of shit go away. It just makes the bathroom smell like Lysol-flavored shit. It is the anthesis of masking the smell, it just says "hey everyone come here and guess what else I had for dinner last night besides corn!"
6. Hygene products. Oooh, hygene products. What to say, what to say? Oh I know. Ewww! I know we are all women (except for the aforementioned gender confused boys) and that every month we have a friend visiting from out of town. (I like to think they come from Detroit, cause lets face it, Detroit sucks.) However, I have my own tampons, I do not need yours. There is this nifty little white box right next to the toilet, you don't even have to get up! Wrap and sack. WRAP AND SACK!!!! The floatie rule applies here too. Also, toilet seats are white, try to keep them that way, if you know what I mean....
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