Scenes from the Eastside
Picture it: Bellevue, Friday, 8:15am. I'm driving my cute, little car to work, excited as ever to go and do some editing when I get stuck behind a rather disgusting truck, filled to the brim with yard supplies and covered in piles of mud. I don't actually know that you can have PILES of mud vs. one giant mud spot but whatever, for the sake of my story it's piles. The truck in question? Doing 20 MPH in a 35 zone. Bastards. The least the land owners could have done while picking up their Mexicans at Lowe's is teach them how to read a speed limit sign. After 10 minutes of driving on what should have been a 3 minute drive (there might be the teeniest possibility I drive slightly over the speed limit but whatever, this story isn't about me!) I finally turn and manage to get away from him, hooray! Only to moments later find myself smack behind a shredding company truck going a mere 30 MPH (which is still not 35 but it's an improvement...not a vast improvement as remember, I hover above 35 normally). The truck in front of me quickly looses the point it just earned in MPH by not having it's latch closed all the way, shedding mounds (that's right, I said MOUNDS) of ghetto confetti on my cute, little car. It was like my very own ticker tape parade! Who knew I had recently come back from my moon landing with NASA? I felt as if I should roll down my window and do the parade wave but it was afterall only 8:15am and I was still half asleep. Its very difficult to do the parade wave at less than 83% capacity.
Picture it: Kirkland. Saturday. 3:30pm. I'm in my house, cleaning and unpacking all of the boxes I've been avoiding all month when I decide I need some entertainment. I go and find the dvd I had just purchased a day earlier (from hereonout known as "the day I was ticker taped")and after a quick delay to hook up the dvd player to my tele, pop the dvd in and press play. Nothing. I press play again. Still nothing. I decide to take the dvd out and put it back in (it's my secret weapon against stupid dvd players, shhh). Only the dvd doesn't come out. I press open/close again, only harder. Nada. Hmm, this is proving a bit more perplexing than I thought. Time to pull out the big guns. I press the button HARDER. Nope. Well, I see, so Daewoo wants to play a little game....time for the jedi trick kept up my sleeve for moments like this...I press the button SUPER HARD. Still no dvd, however my super human finger strength has actually pressed the button into the dvd player, leaving a hole in its place. Scared the little bugger, didn't I?
I decide to get a screwdriver (after carefully unplugging it, I'm not THAT stupid) and unscrew the front so I can just pull that off and grab the new dvd from inside. Seems the geniuses at Daewoo have decided that screws are just for show. Doesn't work. Try to use my finger to reach the dvd still lodged inside. Realize I have too short of fingers to reach into the depths of the dvd player. I can feel the dvd tray, however I realize 1. I still need to manipulate my finger up and over the tray and then somehow under the dvd to pop it up off the little catch thingy built in to prevent slippage and 2. my finger does not move like that so I must now forget the perils of the dvd and focus my energy and what little strength my lunch of cheese and turkey slices has left me into removing the finger from where it is now lodged painfully.
Success! I have removed my finger!. In the process of doing so I had to rip the door of the dvd tray off leaving a hole big enough for me to spot the dvd resting in the tray, taunting me. Evil bastard. I go baboon on Daewoo's ass and using my trusty, American-made screwdriver start beating the shit out of the tiny dvd player. I figure it might realize I mean business and release my movie as a proverbial white flag. No such luck. Apparently they use a different method of surrender in Daewoo land. So I beat the crap out of it some more, varying location of the blows, hoping something will trigger the release. Somewhere around the 30 minute mark of this epic battle it dawns on me that I have a remote control. I plug the battered machine in and grab the remote. Press open/close and out comes my movie. Easy as pie. Unfunny bastard.
Daewoo :1, Jamie: 0.
Picture it: Kirkland. Saturday. 3:30pm. I'm in my house, cleaning and unpacking all of the boxes I've been avoiding all month when I decide I need some entertainment. I go and find the dvd I had just purchased a day earlier (from hereonout known as "the day I was ticker taped")and after a quick delay to hook up the dvd player to my tele, pop the dvd in and press play. Nothing. I press play again. Still nothing. I decide to take the dvd out and put it back in (it's my secret weapon against stupid dvd players, shhh). Only the dvd doesn't come out. I press open/close again, only harder. Nada. Hmm, this is proving a bit more perplexing than I thought. Time to pull out the big guns. I press the button HARDER. Nope. Well, I see, so Daewoo wants to play a little game....time for the jedi trick kept up my sleeve for moments like this...I press the button SUPER HARD. Still no dvd, however my super human finger strength has actually pressed the button into the dvd player, leaving a hole in its place. Scared the little bugger, didn't I?
I decide to get a screwdriver (after carefully unplugging it, I'm not THAT stupid) and unscrew the front so I can just pull that off and grab the new dvd from inside. Seems the geniuses at Daewoo have decided that screws are just for show. Doesn't work. Try to use my finger to reach the dvd still lodged inside. Realize I have too short of fingers to reach into the depths of the dvd player. I can feel the dvd tray, however I realize 1. I still need to manipulate my finger up and over the tray and then somehow under the dvd to pop it up off the little catch thingy built in to prevent slippage and 2. my finger does not move like that so I must now forget the perils of the dvd and focus my energy and what little strength my lunch of cheese and turkey slices has left me into removing the finger from where it is now lodged painfully.
Success! I have removed my finger!. In the process of doing so I had to rip the door of the dvd tray off leaving a hole big enough for me to spot the dvd resting in the tray, taunting me. Evil bastard. I go baboon on Daewoo's ass and using my trusty, American-made screwdriver start beating the shit out of the tiny dvd player. I figure it might realize I mean business and release my movie as a proverbial white flag. No such luck. Apparently they use a different method of surrender in Daewoo land. So I beat the crap out of it some more, varying location of the blows, hoping something will trigger the release. Somewhere around the 30 minute mark of this epic battle it dawns on me that I have a remote control. I plug the battered machine in and grab the remote. Press open/close and out comes my movie. Easy as pie. Unfunny bastard.
Daewoo :1, Jamie: 0.
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