Definitions



Douchebag (Urban Dictionary Definition): Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.

Douchebag (Jamie Definition): The guy who walked out of Target wearing a popped collar polo, gold chains and baggy khaki shorts, holding onto his orange, over-tanned girlfriend's waist and leading her to his car. Upon noticing me walking back from putting the cart away (all the while thinking BP must not have had an oil spill, this guy must have just washed his hair), he winks, does the head nod and the finger barrel gun before saying loudly "My BMW is over here." He then proceeds to get into his 15 year old BMW with said girlfriend, rev the engine and then cut me off.

To the king of the douches, I salute you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pass the Metamuscil

Okay, so I admit, I've been slacking on blogging. But in my defense, Jamieland has been quite boring, what with the snow, no hippie roommate or excess money floating around to buy entertainment. Oooh, that totally sounded like I buy hookers, which I do not. Buy PC entertainment. That won't give me an STD. Or a baby. Anyways...so since the last blog I have had a birthday. I am now 27. Which doesn't sound too bad to most people, but if you ask a 27 year old how that sounds, it sounds less like "twenty-seven" and more like "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!". A few weeks before my birthday I made the mistake of watching a 1970s science fiction film called "Logan's Run". It was actually entertaining. A bit campy but the majority of films in the 70s had cheese oozing out of every pore, in my opinion. The plot of the movie was simple, and mimicked the book closesly. It takes place in a future time when Earth is so overpopulated that new regulations
Read more

Scrabble, Google and Aussies

So this isn't my story but it was so freakin funny I had to share. It made me laugh so hard I had to share Ryan's brilliance with everyone. P.S. he's not retarded, he's Australian... An aside note before we get right into the story: why are the words "negligence" and "negligee" so similar? One is a very sexy concept, and the other is not. Are they built off another word that they are both kind of related to? All these questions and more can possibly be answered by either the shorter , the longer , or perhaps even the much fucking longer Oxford English Dictionary. Man, I wish I had $3000 and a bookshelf. Luckily, five pounds and an arse pocket will suffice. Here's what the Collins Gem pocket-size Scrabble Dictionary had to say: NEGLIGEE: woman's lightweight, usu. lace-trimmed dressing gown. Hang on a second. Negligence is not in the Collins Gem pocket-size Scrabble Dictionary. That's surprising. I would be very surprised if I
Read more

Scary Stuff

Image
I quite possibly just had a heart attack. After several weeks of slowly going through each box/bin/drawer/closet/cabinet in my house to declutterize, I am finally finished. I have a pile of boxes with items to take down to my parents house for their garage sale in the living room, along with some boxes I had emptied so broke them down and put them in the storage closet on my deck. A few even had bubble wrap in them, hooray! Like all Americans, I adore bubble wrap so it has really taken every ounce of will in my body to not sit there and pop it all. Today, I was putting the last of the "keep" bins back in the storage closet. I had to readjust my weight to push the tub up onto the shelf when suddenly there was a loud *Bang*, obviously the sound of a car backfiring. Even though I live in a pretty affluent area, that sound is very similar to a gunshot, so the natural instinct is to dive for cover. That, however, is not really an option when you are essentially holding a 20
Read more