If God Blogged...
A is for Age: I'm ageless, but if you're getting picky I'm technically Ж years old.
B is for Best Friend: Mankind. The people, not the wrestler.
C is for Career: I'm pretty content overseeing all of creation, but I think what I'd really like to do is make short films. I've been working on this script for a while. It's kinda like Clerks, except it takes place on the edge of infinity.
D is for Drink of Choice: I'm mostly sober these days. Last time I drank it was bourbon, and I don't remember exactly what happened but when I woke up my knee was scraped, my head was killing me, and 150,000 people in Indonesia had died. LOL :p
E is for Essential Item: My magic wand. From raising the sun to making the Virgin Mary appear, I literally can't do anything without it.
F is for Favorite Song at the Moment: "God Only Knows," by The Beach Boys.
G is for Favorite Game: OMG I am totally addicted to The Sims. I love playing Me with no consequences.
H is for Hometown: I hate to answer this one, there's really no explanation that mortal minds could comprehend. Let's say Chicago and just move on.
I is for Indulgence: Whenever I'm feeling a little bit less than omnipotent, nothing cheers me up like famine. I don't know why, it just does. If you asked me 10 years ago I would have said Good N' Fruitys, but I can't seem to find them anymore. Do you guys remember Good N' Fruity? Those were so much better than Good N' Plenty.
J is for Favorite Juice: Favorite juice? Are you telling me there isn't a more interesting j word than juice? Come on!
K is for Kids and names: One, Jesus, and I love Him as much as I love Myself. Trust me, being a dad changes everything!
L is for Last Kiss: I hope she isn't going to mad that I'm blogging about it, but oh well. About 50 million years ago I made out with Destiny herself. We were both really drunk, and we're still friends. We joke about it now. There was also the Virgin Mary, but we didn't kiss if you know what I mean.
M is for Marriage: Incompatible with my job, I'm afraid.
N is for full name: I go by many names, they're all good. Just don't call Me Allah, that's a girl's name! I keep having to say this! Guys, for real, if you guys don't stop calling Me that I'm bringing Sabertooth Tigers back or something!
O is for Overnight Hospital Stays: Once I was traveling the cosmos 3,000 times faster than the speed of light. I hit a star, and I had to get x-rays. I kept telling them "I'm the beginning and the end of everything, I can't get hurt!" but they took me in anyway. Of course, I was fine. I got some awesome Vikes though, but I ended up giving most of them to Gabriel. I heard he transubstantiated to human form and sold all of them to high schoolers. What a douchebag.
P is for phobias: I know it's strange since I live above the clouds, but I'm still really afraid of heights.
Q is for Quote: I've got two:"Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not." ~ Moses "While shooting elephants in Africa I found the tusks very difficult to remove. Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa. But that's completely irrelephant to what I'm talking about." ~ Groucho Marx
R is for biggest regret: I wish I had made cats have wheels instead of feet.
S is for sports: I love ping pong, but nobody wants to play with Me because I've never lost a point.
T is for time you wake up: I get up at 5:30 every morning. The only day I get to sleep in is Sunday, unless some stupid church holds early morning services and gets Me up with prayers. Ugh, I can't stand that. There's a reason I created sleep, people!
U is for Unknown Fact about you: I wear tighty whities, not boxers. I just find them more comfortable, I don't know. I went through a boxer brief stage when I was in the Divinical Temple of Learning, but as soon as I graduated it was back to regular briefs.
V is for vegetable you hate: I created all the plants and I love all my creations equally - EXCEPT STRING BEANS. They're so gross. I swear, every time I eat string beans the world steps one millenia closer to Armageddon.
W is for worst habit: Definitely earthquakes.
X is for x-rays you've had: I see all spectra, including x-ray, UV, and many others mortals have yet to discover, such as f-ray.
Y is for your yummy food: Nothing fills me up like the prayers of the desperate. Plus, I already mentioned it but I love Good N' Fruity. Seriously, WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?! LOL!
Z is for zodiac sign: Aquarius.
B is for Best Friend: Mankind. The people, not the wrestler.
C is for Career: I'm pretty content overseeing all of creation, but I think what I'd really like to do is make short films. I've been working on this script for a while. It's kinda like Clerks, except it takes place on the edge of infinity.
D is for Drink of Choice: I'm mostly sober these days. Last time I drank it was bourbon, and I don't remember exactly what happened but when I woke up my knee was scraped, my head was killing me, and 150,000 people in Indonesia had died. LOL :p
E is for Essential Item: My magic wand. From raising the sun to making the Virgin Mary appear, I literally can't do anything without it.
F is for Favorite Song at the Moment: "God Only Knows," by The Beach Boys.
G is for Favorite Game: OMG I am totally addicted to The Sims. I love playing Me with no consequences.
H is for Hometown: I hate to answer this one, there's really no explanation that mortal minds could comprehend. Let's say Chicago and just move on.
I is for Indulgence: Whenever I'm feeling a little bit less than omnipotent, nothing cheers me up like famine. I don't know why, it just does. If you asked me 10 years ago I would have said Good N' Fruitys, but I can't seem to find them anymore. Do you guys remember Good N' Fruity? Those were so much better than Good N' Plenty.
J is for Favorite Juice: Favorite juice? Are you telling me there isn't a more interesting j word than juice? Come on!
K is for Kids and names: One, Jesus, and I love Him as much as I love Myself. Trust me, being a dad changes everything!
L is for Last Kiss: I hope she isn't going to mad that I'm blogging about it, but oh well. About 50 million years ago I made out with Destiny herself. We were both really drunk, and we're still friends. We joke about it now. There was also the Virgin Mary, but we didn't kiss if you know what I mean.
M is for Marriage: Incompatible with my job, I'm afraid.
N is for full name: I go by many names, they're all good. Just don't call Me Allah, that's a girl's name! I keep having to say this! Guys, for real, if you guys don't stop calling Me that I'm bringing Sabertooth Tigers back or something!
O is for Overnight Hospital Stays: Once I was traveling the cosmos 3,000 times faster than the speed of light. I hit a star, and I had to get x-rays. I kept telling them "I'm the beginning and the end of everything, I can't get hurt!" but they took me in anyway. Of course, I was fine. I got some awesome Vikes though, but I ended up giving most of them to Gabriel. I heard he transubstantiated to human form and sold all of them to high schoolers. What a douchebag.
P is for phobias: I know it's strange since I live above the clouds, but I'm still really afraid of heights.
Q is for Quote: I've got two:"Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not." ~ Moses "While shooting elephants in Africa I found the tusks very difficult to remove. Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa. But that's completely irrelephant to what I'm talking about." ~ Groucho Marx
R is for biggest regret: I wish I had made cats have wheels instead of feet.
S is for sports: I love ping pong, but nobody wants to play with Me because I've never lost a point.
T is for time you wake up: I get up at 5:30 every morning. The only day I get to sleep in is Sunday, unless some stupid church holds early morning services and gets Me up with prayers. Ugh, I can't stand that. There's a reason I created sleep, people!
U is for Unknown Fact about you: I wear tighty whities, not boxers. I just find them more comfortable, I don't know. I went through a boxer brief stage when I was in the Divinical Temple of Learning, but as soon as I graduated it was back to regular briefs.
V is for vegetable you hate: I created all the plants and I love all my creations equally - EXCEPT STRING BEANS. They're so gross. I swear, every time I eat string beans the world steps one millenia closer to Armageddon.
W is for worst habit: Definitely earthquakes.
X is for x-rays you've had: I see all spectra, including x-ray, UV, and many others mortals have yet to discover, such as f-ray.
Y is for your yummy food: Nothing fills me up like the prayers of the desperate. Plus, I already mentioned it but I love Good N' Fruity. Seriously, WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?! LOL!
Z is for zodiac sign: Aquarius.
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