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Mary Poppins: The Lush

The holidays are a joyous occasion. They bring the traditions that bring families together and provide unity amongst our fellow man. Unfortunately they also bring horrible music and lousy television programming. Case in point: “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” and 2004’s “Nick and Jessica Family Christmas”. However, these examples at least provide a good moral compass by which to live. Grandma was run over by the reindeer heading home from her family’s house on Christmas Eve. And although Jessica Simpson really could be the most annoying entertainer to grace Hollywood in the 21st Century, she tried to bring her equally annoying family into our homes on that obnoxious holiday hour. The real problem is in holiday programming which APPEARS to be wholesome, but in fact promotes something far more sinister: alcoholism. The show in question? Mary Poppins. Yes, you read that correctly, good ole Mary Poppins: seemingly innocent but like her trick bag hiding a much darker, deeper se...
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I'm baaaaaaack!

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Wow, I can't believe I haven't blogged anything in a year and a half! Time flies when you are having fun. The last year plus has been good.  It has seen its ups and downs, its good and bad, its Optimus Primes and Megatrons.  If I had to rate it, I would settle with a B.  Maybe a B-.  I have done some incredible things since my last post, including: - Traveled to Turkey and Greece. (Post with photos coming soon!) - Continued to support the Sounders in their mediocre glory. - Watched the Seahawks smash it in the Superbowl. - Saw dozens of free, advanced screenings of movies. - Bought a new mattress (trust me, this is HUGE). - Saw my parents celebrate their 50th anniversary. - Met some incredible people. - Rocked out at some amazing concerts. - Won the lotto! (Okay, not really, but a girl can dream, can't she?) Holiday Breakfast at Serious Biscuit Hippity-Hop Races at Emerald Downs for Charity USA vs. Panama Birthday Celebration! Earli...
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They're Not Even a Real Country Anyway

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Canada tried to kill me. It tried to sneak into my intestines and rip them out little by little from pretty much any orifice possible. I woke up Sunday night with that terrible feeling of dread. You all know that feeling, where you realize something unnatural is going to occur and soon your pie-hole is going to become a pie-spigot for everything you have consumed in the previous twelve months? It is honestly the worst experience ever. The only thing which makes that event bearable is knowing that once it's over and done with you immediately feel better, but that was not the case this time. With this horrible Canadian bug all I felt was like getting up an hour later and doing it again. The only thing I managed to do Monday was lay in bed clutching my barf bucket and sleep, then get up to vomit. It took me two days to get down a half sleeve of saltines and can of chicken noodle soup. This is why I have decided we need to forget about border patrol and invest in a giant North American...
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