Wicked Smart

Last weekend, pre-antibiotics, I went to the store to buy some Emergen-c. Really I feel that pharmacies should make it easier to find cold medicine because when you are sick its damn near impossible to actually figure out what is where and which is better. "Okay, so this one works for coughs, congestion and headaches but this one includes stuff for itchy throat but doesn't have the stuff for headaches. If I take this one for earaches it will interfere with this one that i would have to take for stomach aches." Just too confusing. So anyways after wandering around for a few minutes I decided to just go and ask the pharmacist for the over-the-counter "herbal supplement with 1,000 mg of vitamin c and 32 other essential minerals to provide energy." The pharmacist was helpful and said that they do carry it and grabbed a box from behind the counter. He rang it up and it was amazingly expensive (normally about $15 for a box of 38 packets), all of which seemed very weir...

Being sick sucks. Especially when it's nice outside and you want to walk down to the water and get some friggin frozen yogurt. But noooooooooooo, you have to get a sinus infection that brings new symptoms every single frigging day. There are the constants of course...congestions, sneezing, coughing, painful headache...but then there are the great new experiences, like vomiting on your own phlem. Although I would rather vomit on my own phlem than anyone elses cause I would be disturbed by that, 1 cause it is someone elses phlem but also because i am completely unaware as to how I would ever swallow a gallon of someone elses phlem, even my imaginary pool boy Giovanni's. On second thought though, I just sort of assume all pool boys are gay so i think the chances of me or any other woman swallowing G's phlem are very slim. So now I get to take wannabe penicillian 3 times a day for the next 10 days but "probably won't feel better until Monday" so will be spend...

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself. Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard ,Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles...

So I've come to realize two things this week...well actually three but one was sort of a given and isn't anything new... #1: Epiphany: An easy lay outweighs logic every time. Sub-epiphany: Boys are stupid. Action: There really isn't any besides becoming a lesbian and that's just gross and so not going to happen. #2: Epiphany: I'm too nice. Sub-epiphany: It's tiring being "sweet". Corrective action: Go back to bitchy Jamie-ness. Man I miss bitchy Jamie, she was just so funny! And those of you reading this obviously must be my friends so therefore you are on the good (read: lucky) side of of me, so you all can enjoy the funniness of bitchy Jamie from the safety of the "inner circle". It might take me awhile to get the groove back but I'm sure in no time at all I will be back to calling people pretending to be from the sperm bank and letting them know they are infertile and staring at them like they are morons for no reason at all. #3: Epiph...