Wicked Smart

Sometimes I feel like a ruh-tard. And, let's be honest, I'm not applying for Mensa anytime soon. And then there are those times where I wonder how the rest of the world got so stupid (I have this theory that involves a combination of the water supply, inbreeding and prolonged exposure to The Kardashians). Case in point: Digiorno Pizza and Breadsticks. I only bought it because I had a coupon that was expiring ($2 for pizza and breadsticks, hooray!) and I have to say it was decent for $2 but I don't think I would ever pay full price for it. Anyway, the pizza cooks for 20 minutes, the breadsticks for 14. Apparently, people dumber than the girl who answered the work phone "Tequilla!" because she was listening to the song can't quite figure out how to cook them so both are ready at the same time. Luckily, the people at Digiorno were nice enough to put instructions for them. "To enjoy the breadsticks with the pizza at the same time, bake pizza for 6 minutes...

For Earth Day, our office had a fun committee event. Honestly I don't even remember what it was or what we did, but I do know that it was my job to go to Whole Foods and pick up food and prizes for the winners of what was obviously the most exciting and fantabulous event EVER. One of the events we had planned involved getting soil and seeds and having everyone plant the seeds into these small biodegradable pots and have some kind of growing competition. It would have been a great idea had I remembered to pick up soil or seeds. (Don't judge me, I've already explained I'm getting stupider .) One of the prizes I had gotten was this Earth-friendly puzzle that was made with biodegradable pieces imbedded with wildflower seeds. After the initial event (where I had forgotten to give someone the puzzle.) (Do you see a theme?) I placed the puzzle in the kitchen and set out an email asking everyone to put it together whenever they had a break and afterwards we could use the p...

In honor of Earth Day, Staples sent us our rolls of bubble wrap packaged in plastic air pockets. Captain Planet would be so disappointed. P.S. Happy Birthday Mom!!!!

Yep. I'm definitely getting stupider. Example #1: A few weekends ago I somehow got shampoo up my nose while showering. The following day I got toothpaste up the other nostril. Example #2: I recently gave myself a heart attack when I stepped on a piece of bubble wrap . Example #3: While getting gas the other day I committed the following infractions: * Parked too far back so moved car forward * Moving car forward resulted in my parking rightnext to the pole so I couldn't open my door * Moved car back and got out * Realized that gas tank is on the other side of my car (this is not a new or borrowed car, mind you) * Moved to other gas pump * Got out and realized I had parked too far forward * Had to hold gas pump tight so it would fit because I WAS NOT moving my car again! * Pushed "no" when asked if I wanted a receipt, forgetting that I have been trying to keep track of what all I spend my money on * Finish pumping gas and go to building to ask for a receipt * Walk arou...

I quite possibly just had a heart attack. After several weeks of slowly going through each box/bin/drawer/closet/cabinet in my house to declutterize, I am finally finished. I have a pile of boxes with items to take down to my parents house for their garage sale in the living room, along with some boxes I had emptied so broke them down and put them in the storage closet on my deck. A few even had bubble wrap in them, hooray! Like all Americans, I adore bubble wrap so it has really taken every ounce of will in my body to not sit there and pop it all. Today, I was putting the last of the "keep" bins back in the storage closet. I had to readjust my weight to push the tub up onto the shelf when suddenly there was a loud *Bang*, obviously the sound of a car backfiring. Even though I live in a pretty affluent area, that sound is very similar to a gunshot, so the natural instinct is to dive for cover. That, however, is not really an option when you are essentially holding a 20...