Wicked Smart

"Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." There is a very fine line between "hobby" and " mental illness ." People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. You should not confuse your career with your life. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Never lick a steak knife. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that ...

What is the deal with Safeway? A couple of months ago I was in a Safeway by my work to cash in some scratch tickets. The woman behind the counter looked at me and said "you do know you have to be 18 to play these, right?" And I was like uhhhhh yeah? And she goes oh okay, I just didn't know how old you had to be in your country." WTF mate? Exactly how old must I have looked and exactly what country did I look like I was from exactly? I wasn't dressed especially ethnic so not really sure what that was about. So today I gathered up all my strength and went to Safeway to buy some OJ, soup and med (sickness is a bitch) and when I was up there the woman asked to see my ID for the cough medicine. WTF mate? I know I look like shit today but you try being progressively sicker for the last 3 days and see how great you look. You can't tell me I look however young you would have to be to not be allowed to buy med. And it's not like I was buying excessive qua...

I am ever so glad Tv Land let me know I Love Lucy is a repeat. I was really wondering about that. What would I do if Comcast didn't have their info guide to fill me in???? Actually I shouldn't mock...I get really upset if the guide isn't working. My God, what will I do? I don't know the name of this episode of friends???? Oh My God, what am I going to do, I can't look and see whats on the sci-fi channel at 4:30am??? The horror...The horror!!!! So I have been Suzy Homemaker lately. I made meatloaf and garlic mashed potatoes for dinner. Lemon bars for desert. Cookies will be baked this weekend. Why? Well according to Linda it's my nesting genes kicking in from being knocked up. Apparrently vomiting every morning for 3 weeks, having itchy nipples and crying hysterically at work is suspicious! Who knew? However as we all know, Jamie hates children. Jamie thinks the concept of getting knocked up with some evil man's spawn is the worst thing she's ever heard o...